Weighing Up the Personal Costs

   So what are the family costs of this research trip? Deciding to uproot the family for a year to come back to Münster wasn't a decision taken lightly. We're five people and as the kids have gotten older, their priorities and their needs (particularly social and educational) become more pressing and start to trump our vaguely retro 1990s wanderlust.
   When it was just the two of us, it was much easier. The student visa was a handy way to let us hang out in Europe for a year. I'd do some research early in the day and in the evenings we'd drink with our housemates from the WG. When we felt like it, we'd duck off for a trip somewhere interesting. What could be easier?
   The last 2 stays before this time we've come with our kids, who, following the example of Frau G on her blogs from our last trips I'll call here bear, monkey and mouse.  They were small, compact and didn't really mind where we were, as long as we were together. Frau G was still in the middle of her planned break from work to look after our small humans.
   And the kids thrived here. They adjusted in days to their new situation and picked up the language in a way that made me shake my head in disbelief. Socially they were more or less fine too. They made some friends at kindergarten and then at the primary school. It was still hard at times, but we were up for the challenge. In some ways coming home was harder, as the re-entry was tricky. Friendship groups had moved on under their own dynamics. But that too worked out well.
   Coming back this time, the logistics were certainly easier - we'd lived in Münster before, we were coming back to our old apartment, and arranging the schools was a matter of 3 emails. We knew our way around the Ausländeramt for visa stuff. We have some great friends here that we've met over successive trips. I've got a good sense of how I can work here and still be home when the kids are awake.
   But the personal stuff for the kids is increasingly difficult. They have their own priorities, trajectories and interests that are harder to cater to while we're here. To come here, we've interrupted (between them) piano lessons, drama lessons, dance lessons, tennis lessons, firm friendships, even the bear's first young romance. We've delayed entry into high school for our bear and pulled the girls out of school for the 2nd time - albeit to attend German school.
    And Frau G had just returned to work, if only on a casual basis so far. She assures us she's keen for the break and we both really enjoy watching the kids change during the time we're away (watching them riding their bikes through the snow to school has been a highlight). But it's becoming less possible for us to just simply put a toothbrush in our back pocket and move to the other side of the world for 10 months.
   This time everyone is very aware of what they've left behind. We appear to have collectively grown a few roots. And I know that even though we planned this all together, I bear a large portion of the responsibility for the disruption in everyone else's life, all so I can get a good run up at the book I'm writing. The element of selfishness at play here is not lost on me.
That said, we're still really firm on the positives of it all too. Very few kids get the chance to sample what they are. And there's something really great about being thrown back on your resources as a family for a while, without the million distractions of a busy life that sees one of us run in the door so the other can run out at home. Here we live differently - five people on bikes riding through Germany.
   That said, this will probably be our last long stretch away as a family, however, because after this the kids need a few uninterrupted years making their way through the final years of high school. My research trips will be more likely smash and grab raids on archives.
But for this year, we'll try and squeeze what we can out of  life in Europe. Workwise it's going well. The material is all in my lap here, rather than virtually inaccessible at home. It's just a question of what we can squeeze in sideways alongside it.

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